How much do kids aged 9 and up need their mother?

A True Open Forum; Share/Discuss whatever you like
User avatar
Vutulaki
Posts: 3902
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 1:36 am
Reputation: 1629

Re: How much do kids aged 9 and up need their mother?

Postby Vutulaki » Thu May 24, 2018 3:02 pm

Benwahwah wrote:Here is my honest opinion.

If you aren’t concerned that she will have a negative impact on the children then I think it is beneficial for them to be able to spend more time with their mum. However, I would look to keep the overall control in one place, bouncing from home to home on what sounds like a totally 50/50 basis that you’re suggesting would probably be quite disruptive. I think a better solution would be to give your ex more access on the weekends and through the holidays. This is the setup my brothers wife has with her ex. My brothers daughter spends every other weekend with him, and 50% of school holidays with him.

If you do make any changes, make sure they are written into the court order. My brother and his wife tried to be lenient with her ex, then all of a sudden he was going to court trying to claim full custody, and saying that the current agreement was different to the court order. Thankfully the courts told him to fuck off with his vexatious bullshit, but you need to make sure you are covered just in case.



Well thats great advice, the issue is that parents here are more or less assumed to to have a right to 50% access unless you can demonstrate one or more of the following;

- Abusive behaviour towards the child/ren, other parent or other family member by either parent (I was able to demonstrate this - but on paper she has taken the steps I asked to address this behaviour so the onus is ultimately on me to prove that the kids are at risk)
- The distance between the parents homes and or school is too great for regular hand overs. (there's 4 blocks between us or about a 5 min drive, 15 min walk)
- Drug or alcohol abuse by either parent this includes recreational marijuana use but not social drinking (lol). (hehehehe!)
- The wishes of the children. (My kids now want to spend more time with mum, who can blame them)

Thoughts now considering the presumption that the children get 50/50 time with each parent?

User avatar
Som-Pong
Posts: 7375
Joined: Mon Nov 03, 2014 3:17 am
Reputation: 3757

Postby Som-Pong » Thu May 24, 2018 3:09 pm

I'd trust you with kids.

User avatar
Vutulaki
Posts: 3902
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 1:36 am
Reputation: 1629

Postby Vutulaki » Thu May 24, 2018 3:23 pm

Have you not read the thread you drunkard?

User avatar
Benwahwah
Posts: 551
Joined: Thu Aug 28, 2014 7:45 am
Reputation: 1074

Postby Benwahwah » Thu May 24, 2018 3:49 pm

Sounds to me like you don’t have much choice in the situation. She has met the requirements that you requested.

My suggestion would be to discuss it with her first. If you give ground to her out of court you may be able to get an outcome like I’ve suggested.

From what you’ve said it will ultimately come down to what you can agree with her. If you guys can’t come to a mutual understanding then it will most likely go the 50/50 route whether you like it or not.

User avatar
Vutulaki
Posts: 3902
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 1:36 am
Reputation: 1629

Postby Vutulaki » Thu May 24, 2018 3:54 pm

Yes or I start slinging mud and push her buttons to make her crack again (which would be fucking easy for me) but thats not what is best for the kids I think

Thanks for being the only person here with the reading comprehension to understand what im asking. It may have taken an Englishmen who majored in English and now teaches monkeys to speak human but I got there

User avatar
Canuckster
Posts: 6731
Joined: Wed Jul 04, 2012 5:24 pm
Reputation: 3073

Postby Canuckster » Thu May 24, 2018 4:51 pm

I actually believe it's the other way around, boys need their mom, girls need a dad
People say they all want the truth, but when they are confronted with a truth that disagrees with them, they balk at it as if it were an unwanted zombie apocalypse come to destroy civilization.

User avatar
Masato
Site Admin
Posts: 18295
Joined: Mon Jun 25, 2012 3:16 pm
Reputation: 8226

Postby Masato » Thu May 24, 2018 6:05 pm

Interesting thread.

My brother is about to re-enter a bunch of court stuff for settling custody/visiting rights. His ex is not cooperative, will be a delicate situation. He got absolutely shafted at the start, trying to get some balance back to the situation

Hoping it all goes well for him and the kids too... - How the hell are kids supposed to understand these things?

User avatar
Vutulaki
Posts: 3902
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 1:36 am
Reputation: 1629

Postby Vutulaki » Thu May 24, 2018 11:48 pm

Masato wrote:Interesting thread.

My brother is about to re-enter a bunch of court stuff for settling custody/visiting rights. His ex is not cooperative, will be a delicate situation. He got absolutely shafted at the start, trying to get some balance back to the situation

Hoping it all goes well for him and the kids too... - How the hell are kids supposed to understand these things?



Kids arent, the system here is such fucking bullshit and I can only imagine that in pussyville AKA Canada it's ten times worse.

They hide behind the "In the kids interests" line but just use it to push whatever agenda they have (normally pro mother)

User avatar
Canuckster
Posts: 6731
Joined: Wed Jul 04, 2012 5:24 pm
Reputation: 3073

Postby Canuckster » Fri May 25, 2018 1:32 am

Vutulaki wrote:
Masato wrote:Interesting thread.

My brother is about to re-enter a bunch of court stuff for settling custody/visiting rights. His ex is not cooperative, will be a delicate situation. He got absolutely shafted at the start, trying to get some balance back to the situation

Hoping it all goes well for him and the kids too... - How the hell are kids supposed to understand these things?



Kids arent, the system here is such fucking bullshit and I can only imagine that in pussyville AKA Canada it's ten times worse.

They hide behind the "In the kids interests" line but just use it to push whatever agenda they have (normally pro mother)


That part of it isn't good, but fathers rights are starting to make a big pushback and be much more even handed here.
People say they all want the truth, but when they are confronted with a truth that disagrees with them, they balk at it as if it were an unwanted zombie apocalypse come to destroy civilization.

User avatar
Vutulaki
Posts: 3902
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 1:36 am
Reputation: 1629

Postby Vutulaki » Fri May 25, 2018 3:18 am

Canuckster wrote:
Vutulaki wrote:
Masato wrote:Interesting thread.

My brother is about to re-enter a bunch of court stuff for settling custody/visiting rights. His ex is not cooperative, will be a delicate situation. He got absolutely shafted at the start, trying to get some balance back to the situation

Hoping it all goes well for him and the kids too... - How the hell are kids supposed to understand these things?



Kids arent, the system here is such fucking bullshit and I can only imagine that in pussyville AKA Canada it's ten times worse.

They hide behind the "In the kids interests" line but just use it to push whatever agenda they have (normally pro mother)


That part of it isn't good, but fathers rights are starting to make a big pushback and be much more even handed here.



Yeah same here, its taken them 30 years and a number of bombings at the family court by dads but the penny is finally dropping that kids need dad just as much as mum.

I think these laws were made long ago when dads didnt have much to do with their kids upbringing, long days on the farm, going to war not being expected to etc but times have changed, even before I got custody I spent a LOT more quality time with the kids than their mother.


Return to “Anarchy Zone”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 87 guests