Happy Father's Day!!

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Vutulaki
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Re: Happy Father's Day!!

Postby Vutulaki » Mon Jun 18, 2018 3:13 pm

Shinkicker wrote:
Vutulaki wrote:
Is your mom overbearing with the kids or something? why the change after they came along?


No. But there were a few issues with that. I'm a firm believer in allowing and accepting people for who they are. You can be the biggest asshole ever and I will still put forth the effort to be pleasant to you. I don't like confrontation and will work to avoid it. Except when it comes to my kids. I established early that what I say goes with my kids. I have very few rules but I let it be known they are nonnegotiable. For example, She had a problem with me not allowing her to take my kids camping on the river when they were younger. But she was drinking daily. Fuck that. She never complained to me, just to everyone else in the family. Of course she didn't mention the drinking part.

The change? Who knows. I think because she left when I was 11 and didn't come back into my life until I was 19. Which I was very understanding of until I had kids. I couldn't help but be baffled at how a mother could do that.

So something that happened way back when. That's really unfair because she isn't the same person now. But I can't seem to force myself to "feel" about her the way I used to.

I'll keep faking it though.



Only a total piece of shit would abandon their 11 year old kid then return years later with some sense of entitlement when it comes to their grandkids. Id be so fucking embarrassed that I would be a 100% backseat grandparent offering to help where I can and am asked but thats it. You want a lollie? ask your mom/dad first. that kinda thing.

People are fucked in the head, hopefully your mom turns to the bottle again and leaves you alone. No one deserves that shit.

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Shinkicker
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Postby Shinkicker » Mon Jun 18, 2018 3:51 pm

Lol.

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Vutulaki
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Postby Vutulaki » Mon Jun 18, 2018 4:16 pm

I meant hands off/mind my own business grandparent, I now realise that backseat grandparents would be like backseat drivers etc

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Shinkicker
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Postby Shinkicker » Mon Jun 18, 2018 6:44 pm

Probably so.

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Masato
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Postby Masato » Tue Jun 19, 2018 4:50 am

Shinkicker wrote:Happy Father's Day, guys!

I got aggravated at hubby this morning. Then I thought "fuck, he's a good daddy to my kids and a good provider. I kept my mouth shut. Happy Father's Day, honey!


Lol


So no Father's Day sex? You know that's all we REALLY want for FD, right? (well, mostly)

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Masato
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Postby Masato » Tue Jun 19, 2018 4:54 am

relations with parents is always such a weird dynamic. When we are young we see them as parents, then somewhere we start to see them as people. What crosses over or how one affects the other is a blind man's game

I heard it argued that it is archetypal in human nature for sons to hate their fathers, we see in them things in ourselves we want to overcome, makes men stronger or something. Of course not always

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Vutulaki
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Postby Vutulaki » Tue Jun 19, 2018 6:04 am

Its funny you say that Masato, while I literally wanted to kill my dad growing up I stopped feeling that way in my late teen through to when my first kid arrived.

Apparently its normal for children to distance themselves from parents once they hit a certain age, it prepares you in dealing with their death or something is how the theory goes.

My kids can see that I hate my dad, they call me out on it all the time. I just reply that they are welcome to feel the same way if I ever fuck up like he has. Maybe I should bash their mother like grandad used to bash their grandmother? that will learn the little cunts.

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Postby Som-Pong » Tue Jun 19, 2018 9:27 am

Spent my childhood rebelling against my dad. Started getting along a couple of years before he died, now I wish I hadn't been such a little shit.

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Postby Masato » Thu Jun 21, 2018 1:59 pm

Som-Pong wrote:Spent my childhood rebelling against my dad. Started getting along a couple of years before he died, now I wish I hadn't been such a little shit.


This is wisdom in a nutshell. Been thinking a lot about this one, appreciate the straight talk here

Like it or not, our parents are a huge part of who we are, where we came from etc. Its part of our life story! How can anyone understand and be happy with themselves if they have not come to accept/make peace with where we came from? Like building up characters in Act 1 of a story but then never following up lol

Both my (only) brother and I split as fast as we could after highschool, my family is sort of a loosely scattered net of individuals, not a lot of glue holding them together. All uncles/cousins are sort of 'every man for themselves' kind of lives. My Dad is the same (only child), he's quite happy on his own and doesn't communicate much which I often interpreted as indifference, so I also learned indifference so we could spend years apart and neither gave much fucks lol

My wife's family is the opposite, they are glued at the hip, parents and children are inseparable, even when some live in a different hemisphere. I learned a lot through them about different scales of family structure and function/disfunction

My brother's ex wife and my parents did not get along, so he kind of broke with them to protect his family from fights and drama... but now that they split my bro is re-connecting after like 20 years of fights and distance. Feels good to see.

I remember when I was younger and guilty of not calling my parents in years, I met these Irish/Scottish guys who talked about how its a man's duty to be good to his mother, no matter how crazy they are, through thick and thin because well they're your mother. Took me a few more years to understand what they meant.

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Postby Vutulaki » Thu Jun 21, 2018 2:17 pm

Masato wrote:
Som-Pong wrote:Spent my childhood rebelling against my dad. Started getting along a couple of years before he died, now I wish I hadn't been such a little shit.


This is wisdom in a nutshell. Been thinking a lot about this one, appreciate the straight talk here

Like it or not, our parents are a huge part of who we are, where we came from etc. Its part of our life story! How can anyone understand and be happy with themselves if they have not come to accept/make peace with where we came from? Like building up characters in Act 1 of a story but then never following up lol

Both my (only) brother and I split as fast as we could after highschool, my family is sort of a loosely scattered net of individuals, not a lot of glue holding them together. All uncles/cousins are sort of 'every man for themselves' kind of lives. My Dad is the same (only child), he's quite happy on his own and doesn't communicate much which I often interpreted as indifference, so I also learned indifference so we could spend years apart and neither gave much fucks lol

My wife's family is the opposite, they are glued at the hip, parents and children are inseparable, even when some live in a different hemisphere. I learned a lot through them about different scales of family structure and function/disfunction

My brother's ex wife and my parents did not get along, so he kind of broke with them to protect his family from fights and drama... but now that they split my bro is re-connecting after like 20 years of fights and distance. Feels good to see.

I remember when I was younger and guilty of not calling my parents in years, I met these Irish/Scottish guys who talked about how its a man's duty to be good to his mother, no matter how crazy they are, through thick and thin because well they're your mother. Took me a few more years to understand what they meant.



STFU


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